By now, you may have seen and/or read several takes on Danny Masterson’s (most known for his role as Hyde in That 70s Show) recent conviction of sexual assault. Masterson was sentenced to 30 years to life - a sentence victims around the world are in shock of due to the rarity of accountability we often seen in the courts, let alone from a powerful, privileged individual associated with the powerhouse that is Scientology. On top of these factors, this sentence comes nearly 20 years after the assaults as well as a previous mistrial due to the jury not being able to make a judgement.
Victims everywhere cheered and applauded, standing in unity with the women who stood up to this system of abuse.
We didn’t have to wait long until we’d see the cracks in the advocacy world. Ashton Kutcher, cofounder of Thorn, a tech company that tracks down images of CSA, and a loud spokesperson for human trafficking and child abuse prevention, wrote a character letter to the judge pleading Masterson’s case and asking for leniency.
This highlights a major issue within our culture, particularly the advocate culture. How do we reconcile the love & admiration we hold for perpetrators of sexual assault with the accountability we crave? Is it even possible to continue to love someone when we find out they’ve done such horrific things to the people around them?
The former is, I believe the most important question to answer, because this question alone is the single greatest barrier to both prevention of CSA/SA and support for victims of CSA/SA.
90% of perpetrators of sexual assault are known to their victims. These are individuals are in our communities, building relationships with not only potential victims, but also potential supporters. Before I go any further, I know the above sentence frames this issue as calculated offenses, and removes the real fact of crime of passion and crimes of opportunity.
Sexual assault is rarely a crime of opportunity. The way our culture talks about sexual assault however makes it appear to be almost entirely a crime of opportunity. We see this reflected back in different policies enacted after abuse has been found out (windows in every door, not hugging students, two adults present, etc) We also see this within our current model of prevention, Risk Reduction, whereby we focus on the behaviors of potential victims rather than potential perpetrators.
Together, these thoughts create a roadmap of how we view sexual assault, and in particular how we view perpetrators of sexual assault.
If we can only see perpetrators of sexual assault as monsters, and creeps lurking in the shadows just waiting to jump on that unsuspecting victim, then we get to live in this false sense of peace. The belief we have is that “I would know a perpetrator of sexual assault. And therefore anyone I would be close to, wouldn’t be someone who would commit this crime”
In fact, during the height of the “Me Too” movement, I was struck mostly by how little men spoke up. Ask almost everyone woman in your life if they experienced some form of sexual harassment or violence they’d say yes. Ask every man if they knew someone who perpetuated sexual harassment or violence and most would say no (unless they personally experienced sexual assault/harassment).
So the first work we must do as an advocate against CSA/SA is unpack our own bias. We must learn to reconcile the love we have for people with the knowledge that even those we love most can hurt others deeply.
It isn’t a “yes, but” but rather an “yes, and.”
“Danny was always there for me, in my darkest times, AND, he clearly has his own demons that ruled the shadows of his life. I’m frustrated with him. I’m disappointed in him. His behavior toward women is completely counter to the persona he showed me for years. I’m dedicated to supporting victims of assault, proud of the women who stood up to bring this issue to light and steadfastly hopeful that Danny will reflect on his choices and learn to merge the two personas he lived his life with”
Supporting victims doesn’t mean walking away from perpetrators of sexual assault. It doesn’t mean turning your back, it means STANDING in the gap. Maintaining a relationship with someone who have committed sexual assault ISN’T the crime, ignoring the accountability needed in effort to support your friend is the problem.
I’m not sure how Ashton Kutcher will come back from this fall, though I do believe with humility people can learn, and grow. I hope for the sake of all the children who’ve benefited from Thorn, Ashton Kutcher can figure this out.
The truth is, we all know people capable of committing sexual assault and until we grapple with the humanity fallacy, we will continue to harm victims, and protect perpetrators.
In Truth,
Jess
